in a dream i was a werewolf. (inspiredmess) wrote in ssdi,
in a dream i was a werewolf.

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Hi, I just joined this community with the purpose of seeking some information, though I'm not sure how active this place is.

I am not on any disability and I don't know much about it, either, but I've been looking into it because I am pretty sure I would like to apply.  From what I'm reading, I'm not sure if I'm even "qualified" so I'm hoping those of you that know about it can answer some questions for me?

I am 20 years old, but will be turning 21 in November.  I have been in treatment for mental illness off and on since age 12 (originally diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder) but have been experiencing symptoms since age 7 when I was sexually abused.  I've had various diagnoses over the years and have a pretty hefty list right now, but currently I struggle the most with my Bipolar disorder (type I, rapid cycling) and Borderline personality disorder.  I have been on a lot of different medications throughout all this time, though only with moderately positive results.  I am currently not taking anything and I am without a psychiatrist or therapist (longish story) but I will be contacting a new psychiatrist for an appointment this week or next to resume treatment.  I do have some medication compliance issues that stem from my distrustful nature and paranoia, but I am determined to get on an appropriate med cocktail and stick to it.

I have had five inpatient hospitalizations in my life (age 15, 18, 19 x2, 20) plus a two month stay at a residential treatment facility that was extremely disastrous. 

I have had four part-time jobs in my life, the longest one last about 9 months, the others only a few.  The first job I lost because the store closed, the second job I stopped showing up without notifying anyone because I had gone manic and ran away from home, the third I had to quit in order to go inpatient, and the fourth I had to quit to avoid being terminated for missing too much time off due to being hospitalized and poor mental health.  I barely managed to graduate high school, and attempted community college following graduation but went severely manic and dropped out after about three weeks of sporadic attendance. 

I have found that I can't handle the stress of regular working.  I start out okay but quickly spiral and end up in a mood episode that causes me to miss a lot of work and eventually have to quit to avoid being fired.  Right now I am living with my parents and have basic needs covered, but we have so many expenses (a lot of bills are the result of my hospitalizations and residential treatment that we are still paying off) and I would like to be able to contribute even if in a small way.

I guess I'm just wondering if I would even qualify, for starters.  I don't know if I've made enough money (credits?) according to the official website.  It says for under 21, I'd need 6 credits (which is something like $6,600 of earnings) but I'm also turning 21 pretty soon and then the requirements go up...  I genuinely don't see myself being able to hold any part-time, let alone full, employment that I can get with my experience/education, so what are my options?  Right now, I have just begun self-publishing e-books on various websites to try and bring in some money, but I haven't even made a total of $10 yet once I subtract some expenses.  Would I even stand a chance if I applied? 

Any information and advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
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