Gehayi (gehayi) wrote in ssdi,

SSDI To Me: "Are You Still Disabled?"

So the Social Security Administration has decided that they have to re-evaluate whether or not I'm still fully and permanently disabled.

This is something that the SSA does regularly, because it's not like permanent disabilities are permanent. The fact that part of Chromosome 5 is missing with me--resulting in an incompletely developed lymphatic system--isn't relevant. Despite the fact that I have a birth defect that took twenty years to kick in and that there is no way to fix this, they still have to double-check.

So what's wrong? My doctors will tell them that I'm still disabled, right?

Yeah. But I've been freelancing as an editor, working part-time. I haven't made much money--just enough to pad out the Social Security Disability check, pay for some home repairs (you know how stuff breaks at inconvenient times) and pay down some bills that had been hanging over me. I'm still below poverty level; I've checked.

But I don't know how the Social Security Administration is going to judge this. I don't know if they'll decide that my getting about $321.00 every couple of months for editing a manuscript (penny a word, half up front, half when the editing's done) is too much money. I mean, I've been low-balling what I charge so as not to screw up the disability check...but...I don't know.

I don't get a regular salary that I can count on. Everything is "work when I get work, if I have time and my health can handle it."

So if I lose this check, I am beyond fucked. I have nothing to fall back on and no way that I can pay my bills.

I'm so scared that there aren't any words.

And I feel that this is not fair. I'm still disabled. I'm having more trouble walking, not less. I've been ill almost all summer, thanks to lymphedema and cellulitis. I'm losing strength and I'm losing stamina. I'm trying, but it's HARD.

And now this.

What really gets me is that the woman who insisted that I make this appointment swore up and down that the little amount of work I was doing wouldn't cost me my check or make it go down any. But that's not what the letter from Social Security says. It says losing my check is at least possible. So who's right?

I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose the check. I don't have any options at all, and I have no one to fall back on it. And if I can't pay the bills, I'm going to lose my house, which is the only asset I own.

I don't know what to do. God help me, I don't know what to do.
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